4 QUESTIONS BY BYRON KATIE

WHICH HELP US TO UNDERSTAND OUR THOUGHTS AND  UNDERLYING BELIEVES

It was a very big honor to discover Byron Katie's work and it changed my understanding of the thoughts I use to have every day. Once I became comfortable questioning my thoughts, I discovered how much untrue stories surrounding me. I became more comfortable to deep into my underlying beliefs who appear as well not always serving my reality. I add this technique to the knowledge of Enneagram because I can see how much it can help each of you who decided to do your inner work on your own. It is a good way to deep in your knowledge about yourself which was discovered by Enneagram and now you can rediscover what is not true anymore but you still caring with yourself from childhood. Not only it will help you to understand what is lying under believes you have but as well you will see how many of them you still caring with you even if they do not serve your existing reality anymore as well as the future goals you want to achieve. I will share a couple of examples which will allow you to apply this method on your own but if you feel stuck or you do not fully understand the system you can always contact me or take books either "Loving what it" or "I need your love - is it true?"  from the library.

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Let's assume that you decided to try this exercise without reading a book. So let me share the questions Byron Katie use in her workshops. Any thought you have you can always use the same 4 questions and rediscover what is protecting you from your true happiness. And since my biggest focus is Enneagram I will give examples for each type so that would make even more sense.

The four questions:

You write down your thought first and then start questioning.

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?

3. How do you react when you think that thought?

4. Who would you be without the thought?

Turn around:

Turn around to yourself.

Turn around to the others.

Turn it around to the opposite.

                                         

 

"Everyone is a mirror image of yourself - your own thinking coming back to you."

 

 

 

Let's see some examples!

THE REFORMER

Underlying believe

"I have to be good and then I will be loved". 

Following questions:

1. Is it true that you have to be good to be loved by others?

- Yes

2. Can you absolutely be sure that you have to be good to loved by others?

- No

3. How do you feel/react when you think that you have to be good to be loved?

- I feel like I can not do any mistakes. I have to be right. When I feel inside angry because I can not be fully myself.

4. Who would you be without this thought that you have to be good to be loved by others?

- I would not think too much about which action is good or bad I will just act how it feels in a moment and never blame myself for not being perfect.

 

Turn around to yourself - I have to love myself. This is my job.

Turn around to the others - I have to love others even if they are not good.

Turn it around to the opposite - I do not need to be good to be loved by others. (They either choose to love me or not, for who I truly am)

Note: the answers are made up just as an example for you to follow your own true thoughts and rediscover your true answers.

 

THE HELPER

Underlying belief

"If I take care of the others they have to do the same for me."

Following questions:

1. Is it true that if you take care of the others they have to do the same for you?

Yes

2. Can you absolutely be sure that if you take care of the others they have to do the same for you?

Yes

- Give me proof of reality what makes you believe this thought.

- I do not have it.

- So can you absolutely be sure that if you take care of the others they have to do the same for you?

- No

3. How do you feel/react when you think that if you take care of the others they have to do the same for you?

I always feel that everyone owns me. I feel that I am being so generous with others but they do not value my efforts in the same way. Most of the time I feel anger and I want to say how much I already did for them and they are not grateful at all.

4. Who would you be without this thought that if you take care of the others they have to do the same for you?

I would probably just give without any expectations. I would not feel that overs own me anything. That feels much more freeing.

 

Turn around to yourself - I have to take care of myself. This is my job.

Turn around to the others - I have to take care of the others even if I know that they won't give me back some things in return.

Turn it around to the opposite - Others do not need to take care of me unless they decide to do that.

Note: the answers are made up just as an example for you to follow your own true thoughts and rediscover your true answers.

 

THE ACHIEVER

Underlying belief

"I have to adapt to others to be loved". 

Following questions:

1. Is it true that you have to adapt to others to be loved?

Yes

2. Can you absolutely be sure that you have to adapt to others to be loved?

No

3. How do you feel/react when you think that you have to adapt to others to be loved?

I feel like I am losing myself. I feel like I can not fully express what I want to do or say. I feel like always trying to charm another person and get some confirmation that I am approved by them.

4. Who would you be without this thought that you have to adapt to the others to be loved?

I could just say what I want without thinking. Is that mean I would just be myself? 

 

Turn around to yourself - I have to love myself. This is my job.

Turn around to the others - I have to love others for who they are.

Turn it around to the opposite - I do not need to adapt to be loved by others. (They either choose to love me or not, for who I truly am)

Note: the answers are made up just as an example for you to follow your own true thoughts and rediscover your true answers.

THE INDIVIDUALIST

Underlying belief

"I feel that most of the time others are better than me". 

Following questions:

1. Is it true that others are better than you?

Yes

2. Can you absolutely be sure that others are better than you?

No

3. How do you feel/react when you think that others are better than you?

I feel very low value in me. I feel I am not worthy to do some things. I want to disconnect and be by myself.

4. Who would you be without this thought that others are better than you?

I do not know. Maybe I feel that I am equal and even if I do not have some qualities I have others. And I can develop the qualities I want.  

 

Turn around to yourself - I enough for who I am.

Turn around to the others - Others are equal people like me.

Turn it around to the opposite -  Others are not better than me. 

Note: the answers are made up just as an example for you to follow your own true thoughts and rediscover your true answers.

THE INVESTIGATOR

Underlying belief

 "I think that I do not have the ability to do things as well as others". 

Following questions:

1. Is it true that you do not have the ability to do things as well as others?

Yes

2. Can you absolutely be sure that you do not have the ability to do things as well as others?

No

3. How do you feel/react when you think that you do not have the ability to do things as well as others?

I feel that I can not fully take care of myself and I always ask others to do instead.

4. Who would you be without this thought that you do not have the ability to do things as well as others?

I would just do it, try and learn like everybody else. I won't be afraid. 

Turn around to yourself - I equally capable to do things in this world like everyone else.

Turn around to the others - Others are equally capable to do things in this world like me.

Turn it around to the opposite -  I have the ability to do things as well as others.

Note: the answers are made up just as an example for you to follow your own true thoughts and rediscover your true answers.

 

THE LOYALIST

Underlying belief

"I think that I can not trust myself". 

Following questions:

1. Is it true that you can not trust yourself?

Yes

2. Can you absolutely be sure that you can not trust yourself?

No

3. How do you feel/react when you think that you can not trust yourself?

I feel insecure. I always ask for advice others whom I trust. Most of the time I am just doubting and feel anxious.

4. Who would you be without this thought that you can not trust yourself?

I would just do other I think is right for me. I would just trust my own decisions.

Turn around to yourself - I do not trust my inner wisdom.

Turn around to the others - I do not trust others.

Turn it around to the opposite -  I trust my inner wisdom.

Note: the answers are made up just as an example for you to follow your own true thoughts and rediscover your true answers.

 

 

THE ENTHUSIAST

Underlying belief

"I do not feel that I can find what I really want in this life". 

1. Is it true that you do not feel that you can find what you really want in this life?

Yes

2. Can you absolutely be sure that you do not feel that you can find what you really want in this life?

No

3. How do you feel/react when you think that you do not feel that you can find what you really want in this life?

I try different things. But nothing speaks to my heart. And if I can not have what I want I choose to enjoy myself anyway. 

4. Who would you be without this thought that you do not feel that you can find what you really want in this life?

I would still try to find what speaks to my soul.

Turn it around to the opposite  - I feel that I am going to find what I really want in this life.

Note: the answers are made up just as an example for you to follow your own true thoughts and rediscover your true answers.

THE CHALLENGER

 

 Underlying belief

 "I think that I have to control the situation and protect myself". 

 

Following questions:

1. Is it true that you have to control the situation and protect yourself?

Yes

2. Can you absolutely be sure that you have to control the situation and protect yourself?

No

3. How do you feel/react when you think that you have to control the situation and protect yourself?

I becoming very strong. I want that others will see my power. I use a lot of energy for that.

4. Who would you be without this thought that you have to control the situation and protect yourself?

I would just trust others and feel comfortable. I would create boundaries.

Turn around to yourself - I feel protected by my inner being.

Turn around to the others - I do not need to control the situation and protect others.

Turn it around to the opposite -  I do not need to control the situation and protect myself.

Note: the answers are made up just as an example for you to follow your own true thoughts and rediscover your true answers.

THE PEACEMAKER

Underlying belief

"If I have a conflict with others I might lose connection with them". 

Following questions:

1. Is it true that if you have a conflict with others you might lose connection with them?

Yes

2. Can you absolutely be sure that if you have a conflict with others you might lose connection with them?

No

3. How do you feel/react when you think that if you have a conflict with others you might lose connection with them?

I feel like a need to avoid conflicts and always try to keep a peaceful relationship.

4. Who would you be without this thought that if you have a conflict with others you might lose connection with them?

I would just share things if I do not agree with something. I would feel that I can be fully open and always accepted no matter what. 

Turn around to yourself - If I have a conflict with others I might lose connection with myself.

Turn around to the others - If I have a conflict with others they might lose connection with me.

Turn it around to the opposite -  If I have a conflict with others that won't affect my relationship with others.

Note: the answers are made up just as an example for you to follow your own true thoughts and rediscover your true answers.

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*The information writing in the website is based on the knowledge: " Wisdom of the Enneagram"  by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson