The core fear of types

The "childhood message"  which we perceive as truth becomes our fear. The formation of our whole personality is based on one main fear. When you read the examples of core fears below you will likely feel that you can associate with all of them, but there will be one or perhaps two, which touch you the most. Write down which of the nine fears resonate the most with your inner world and read the description of the corresponding type/s. If you are still unsure, move on to the more detailed descriptions below and mark the qualities which match you most accurately. To read through all of the descriptions will help to deepen your understanding and answer any questions you may have. If you still have uncertainty about your type, please get in touch through the 'contact' page.

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The core fear & lost message of every type:

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The core fear:

"I have a fear 

of being bad,

evil and defective."

Lost message in a childhood:

" It is not true - you are good as for who you are."

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The core fear:

"I am afraid to be unwanted and unworthy of

being loved."

Lost message in a childhood:

" It is not true - you are wanted."

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The core fear:

"I am afraid to be insignificant, worthless or without inherent value."

Lost message in a childhood:

" It is not true - you are loved for who you are."

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The core fear:

"I am afraid to be with no identity or personal significance."

Lost message in a childhood:

" It is not true - you are seen for who you are."

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The core fear:

"I am afraid to be useless, incapable and helpless."

Lost message in a childhood:

" It is not true - your needs are not a problem."

4. The Individualist " - It is not true -  you are seen for who you are."

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The core fear:

"I am afraid to be without support and guidance."

Lost message in a childhood:

" It is not true - you are safe."

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The core fear:

"I am afraid to be deprived and trapped in fear."

Lost message in a childhood:

" It is not true - you will be taken care of."

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The core fear:

"I am afraid to be harmed or controlled by others."

Lost message in a childhood:

" It is not true - you will not be betrayed."

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The core fear:

"I am afraid to be separated and lose touch with others."

Lost message in a childhood:

" It is not true - your presence matters."

We all live with these fears thinking that we are the only ones who experience them and that we should ​hide them. Now you will begin to see that is not true, there are millions of people like you. They may look different and have different habits, but they have the same message hidden in their hearts. Let's go further, and when you have finished and are ready to move on, click the link to the description of the types below:

 

THE DEVELOPMENT OF OUR FEARS

When we are very little we see this world as a very mysterious place where we are trying to understand everything which surrounds us. Even though we may look very small, inside we already trying to understand how we can integrate ourselves in our social environment. The difference between us and the adults we are surrounded by is that we do not have any formed beliefs yet. So we take a model from those around us - trying it through actions and watching for how others respond. In this period (1-3 years) parents play a very big part of our life because the biggest focus of each of us at this time is to be loved by our parents. However, even if our parents love us from the deepest part of their heart they still have a fixed understanding about the world, and they have their own lessons to learn. Very few of us get the opportunity to grow up in a family where parents are aware of their actions and have a full understanding about personality development. As most parents aren't this way, they take actions and speak words which we misinterpret, giving us a false understanding of the world and our surroundings. This misunderstanding becomes very important in the forming of our personality type because we establish a core fear which was not supported by our parents. It is not that they did not want to support us, but we did not share and were not capable of communicating that fear to others.  Since we wanted to be loved by our parents we decided to hide that part of our personality which was not approved by them. We modified our behavior which according to our understanding led us to the personal security and love which we were seeking. Instead of facing our fear, we run from it. Through this action, we trample our true personality by developing qualities which help us to protect ourselves from our biggest fear. At first, we applied this in our relationship with our parents, then we transferred it into our personality model for every other person we met from then onward. 

UNDERSTANDING OUR FEARS

For example, as a very small child, the number three begins to feel from others that it is not okay to be who he or she is and it is not okay to show emotions. These children form this understanding by simply hearing their parents express things such as "people have to be strong. To show emotions is a weakness", "To be angry is not good", "People are only valued when they achieve something". In this example, the child who is a number three begins developing an understanding that everyone in the world thinks in the same way and that he must hide his negative emotions in order to be loved and valued. 

This is how the number three develops its biggest fear. As a child, they start to give up their true self and do everything in order to receive acceptance. If a mother loves painting but does not like dancing and this child loves dancing but does not like painting, he will still start to paint and put all his effort into painting well, in order for his mother to be proud of him. As a child, he will take the actions which the people in his surroundings place value on. As he grows up and his surrounding becomes larger, he will observe what others like and reach for those things in order to be significant and valuable in their eyes.  People of this type develop qualities that help them to reach goals and create surroundings which they believe will make them seem valuable.

As you see, people of this type create a world where they can feel safe from their basic fear. At the same time, all other Enneagram types are creating their own world where they can feel safe. This is how our lives become so different from one another. We are developing different qualities which allow us to live in this life comfortably according to our understanding. We end up in this variety where there are so many different understandings of the same world which we all live in and the more we have opposite qualities the harder it becomes to understand one another. We create the model of a personality, which limits us and we fail to see beyond, ending up dealing with the same situations and issues over and over again. Our behavior remains in this cycle where our main fear remains. We do not face our biggest fear, and when we face it, we defend ourselves.

   

Our basic fear stimulates personal motivation to avoid and move away from any essence or representation of that basic fear.  We create an illusion about our personal behavior, thinking if we act in a specific way we will solve all of our problems.

The avoidance of our basic fear also stimulates fixation on actions, often repetitive, which we believe will help us to avoid experiencing that fear. This avoidance often takes the form of behavior which we repeat over and over, thinking that this will bring satisfaction and lasting happiness. 

Unfortunately, this repeated behavior and avoidance of basic fear only serves to move us away from the feeling of happiness. These repeated actions make our motivation to take them stronger, in-turn motivating us to further reinforce these actions with more of the same. We do not allow ourselves to act on our true understanding and intuition, keeping us locked in the closed cycle of avoidance and repetition. 

For example, if a basic fear for a number three is not to have personal value, he begins to cheat himself by pursuing possessions and experiences, which are deemed by society as valuable or admirable.  He will practice the traits of a desirable personality, while at the same time pushing away and trying to forget his true self, becoming the person who would be admired by his social surroundings.

If a basic fear for a number one is to be bad, to make mistakes, or to be wrong, she starts to feel anger toward the world and herself if she makes mistakes. In her social life, she begins blaming others who in her eyes do not act in the right way, being bad and making mistakes.

If a basic fear for a number five is to not be competent, they are motivated to an insatiable hunger for information, often removing themselves from social surroundings until they collect enough knowledge and feel competent.

For a number seven, a basic fear may be to experience poverty or deprivation. Their motivation becomes a desire for everything such as information, possibilities and an abundance of people. A fixation in their social life becomes planning so that they won't miss any opportunity.

Did you follow the system? The same would apply for all of the other types. This is how we create a world where we can feel safe

 

 

 

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*The information writing in the website is based on the knowledge: " Wisdom of the Enneagram"  by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson