The Message from Childhood

How does it form?

The knowledge of Enneagram gives us an explanation of how our personalities have been formed. It starts from our early days which in Enneagram it is called - the message we received in childhood.

As babies, we are here to express our full potential and if you ever watch the baby you probably came up with the same conclusion - they are so free to express all the possible emotions. Babies don't have yet personal identification which does not make them separate from the others as well as they do not have "good" or "bad" so they just are.


Watch a baby and see how freely he express all the natural emotional and physiological states for all human beings. They cry how much and when they want, they frown, laugh, get angry, be happy and everything they do they do freely with no conditions. But every baby has social instincts and when they act they observe others and their reactions. And if some child's emotions or some of his behavior is not acceptable or is blocked in parents' personality, the child feels it and starts acting through the time accordingly. For example, if the baby expresses his happiness for being alive, but the mother feeling sad and tired and she does not react in his expression. The baby seeing this mothering behavior little by little unconsciously starts to repress some of his emotions because he does not want his mother to feel sad. If the baby is freely expressing his being and the parents can not respond in the same way, the child starts to repress some of his behaviors because he doesn't want his parents to feel bad. And this is an important moment for our Enneagram formation. This the moment when we make a decision and embrace our Enneagram type based on the message we choose to believe. In Enneagram it is called - unconscious childhood message. I say "we choose too" because even small babies we still interpret behaviors of others and for example: if the mother is tired and she doesn't pay to much attention to the child when he wants. The child might come up with the interpretation that she doesn't love him and in that second he could make a decision - it is not okay to be who I am. It is important to keep in mind that it is enough to have one experience which we count as important to form a belief, especially in the early days. And it is important to understand, that our parents were the best parent they could be in a specific moment, but they can not give as something they do not have or not aware of,  they are on their own growth path.

The message we received in childhood and we took it as truth:

"It is not okay to do mistakes."

"It is not okay to have

personal needs."

"It is not okay to have your own

feelings and be who you are."

"It is not okay

to function or to be happy."

"It is not okay to feel

comfortable in this world."

"It is not okay

to trust yourself."

"It is not okay

to depend on others."

"It is not okay to be vulnerable

and trust others."

"It is not okay to show up."

There is a very big chance that you might find more than a couple sentences that speaks to you. It is a very common situation you are in as a lot of us feel in this way. Write down all the sentences which resonate with your world and keep them as you go through the other pages and discovering more. I can promise that if you do a good job on your home work you will stay with one sentence which will touch your heart.








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*The information writing in the website is based on the knowledge: " Wisdom of the Enneagram"  by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson