You think you are a number three? In Enneagram known as the ACHIEVER. Please become familiar with this type in the description below:
The type three in his/her early days receives the message from their surrounding that it is not okay to have feelings and to be who they are. In early childhood their understanding is that everyone loves them for what they do, so most of the time they do things which they do not want in order to make others happy. During childhood, their experience is that they are unloved, and they learn to adapt and do everything that will cause others to love and accept them. In the early days the parents, especially mothers, play a very big role. It is important that parents are proud of them.
People of this type are open and cherish strong values, they are loving and want to have close contact with all human beings. The only problem they experience is that they cannot be fully themselves and express who they are - they are afraid that others do not accept them for who they are. We already know that a negative evaluation for them equates to not being loved and if others do not love you, no one needs you.
Forgetting themselves and their emotions they put all of their focus on things which could guarantee acceptance, which for them equals love. For the Achiever, it is hard to understand that others can love you without any achievements, for who they are as human beings. It is important to mention that they suppress a lot of their personal needs and qualities in order for others to feel happy. They hardly define who they are and only seek to become their own imagined image of a successful person. They believe that once they become that person, others will start loving them.
People of this type without their image in their head, do not know who or what they are. They always label others by their accomplishments, status, clothes etc. This is their understanding of the world and they think others do the same. Number three directs all of their energy maintaining their ego and creating their self-image instead of discovering their true self. They believe that the created image of themselves is who they are.
Inner desire to always improve yourself
What other people of your type say about themselves
I always give priority to my work;
I can easily imagine my life in 5–10 years (what I will do, where I will live);
It is easy for me to create goals for myself and take steps to reach them. I can tell step by step what I need to do to reach any goal;
It is important to me that others will value me;
I am very good example for others;
I am very motivated and easily inspire others;
Recognition from others is very important;
For me it is very easy to adapt: I can be whatever the situation requires me to be;
I always create a lot of things to do. I am always busy;
Rest for me means same as doing nothing;
Rest for me is cleaning, reading a book, cooking and so on.
I always do something;
When I am with others I always suppress my true self and adapt to my surroundings;
I am afraid of intimacy, because there are things I keep as weaknesses;
It is hard to share my problems and failures. I ignore them and try to hide from them.
If you are imbalanced
Always focusing on self-image
Identifying yourself by your work
Inner value depends on others response to you
Hard to express feelings
How to get along with me
Do not disturb me when you see me working;
Be honest when you give me feedback, but do not judge;
Help me to keep peace and harmony in my surroundings;
Do not attack me with your negative emotions;
Tell me that it is a good feeling to be with me;
Tell me that you are proud of me and my achievements.
“I can’t be wrong, I have to be the best. Imagine how it is for a person who thinks this way. I have to be perfect everywhere: if I attend yoga, I have to do all of the exercises well, as real yogis do, the leaders in that field. If I learn a foreign language, I have to speak and know it better than any others I am learning with. If I don’t know something, I keep quiet because I’m afraid to say something wrong. And if I have a dream and I’m not competent to make it happen, I gain all of the necessary skills before acting, to make sure I do it in the best. It may seem very good to others, but most of my dreams remain unfulfilled because that imagined perfection is hard to reach when I also pursue so many other dreams at the same time.“
- Caroline, 38.
The story of my life
"It's hard to remember a time when I didn't feel the need to be the 'best'. To be the most beautiful, the smartest, to live in the most beautiful house, to have the best values and so on. The biggest problem is that I wake up every day with the idea of “being the best”, working hard all day to maintain this thought. It didn’t matter to me who I spent time with, I always wanted people to see only my most beautiful side. After saying goodbye to them, I analyzed whether I had received confirmation that I had left such an impression. It was really very frustrating. I was always looking for confirmation externally, I wanted to be sure that I was valued and accepted. I just never realized that people love me without my accomplishments. They love me as a person, not my accomplishments.”
- Philip, 27.
“All my life I have maintained that I will never have a close relationship with men from India, China, or any other country where people of darker background live. People in my country still have skepticism about different nationalities. Since it is still hard for me not to seek other people's validation, the opinions of other people are very important to me. The irony of fate is that in my life a person from India has emerged that has awakened love within me and allowed me to rediscover myself. He came into my life as the man I had pictured in my mind as the man of my dreams. Most importantly, he loved me and gave me everything he had, but still what was more important to me was "what will other people think?". I had to leave him without explaining why our relationship broke down. This time, like many others, the "other people" and their opinions win. Sometimes you have a lot to lose in life when the opinions of others are important to you.”
- Rebecca, 32.
Questions to help understand yourself better
Do you often adapt to people in your surrounding, looking for approval that they value you positive?
Is it easy for you to share your failures?
Do you feel work equal you? If you doing well at work you feel better personal worth, and if something going not well you feel like you do not deserve other people attention?
Does it make you annoyed when others do not follow agreement and change your plans?
Is it for you important to be a successful person?
People like you: Augustus Caesar, Emperor Constantine, Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Prince William, Condoleeza Rice, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Lewis, Muhammed Ali, John Edwards, Mitt Romney, Bill Wilson (AA Founder), Andy Warhol, Truman Capote, Werner Erhard, Oprah Winfrey, Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins, Bernie Madoff, Bryant Gumbel, Michael Jordan, O.J. Simpson, Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, Elvis Presley, Paul McCartney, Madonna, Sting, Whitney Houston, Jon Bon Jovi, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, Brooke Shields, Cindy Crawford, Tom Cruise, Barbra Streisand, Ben Kingsley, Jamie Foxx, Richard Gere, Ken Watanabe, Will Smith, Courteney Cox, Demi Moore, Kevin Spacey, Reese Witherspoon, Anne Hathaway, Chef Daniel Boulud, Dick Clark, Ryan Seacrest, Cat Deeley, Mad Men’s “Don Draper,” Glee’s “Rachel Berry”
Still doubting your type?
Get in touch or take a test below:
Levels of development
Moving Healthy to Average level
My state of being which show that I am moving to average levels: "I start to drive for status and attention."
"Wake - up call" (read more) going from healthy levels to average
Moving from Average to Unhealthy level
My thoughts which shows that I am moving to unhealthy levels: "I feel like I am failing, that my claims are empty and fraudulent."
Red Flag (read more) moving to unhealthy levels
LEVEL1 Threes let go of the belief that their value is dependent on the positive regard of others, thus freeing them to discover their true identity and their own heart's desire. Their Basic Desire is also achieved, and they feel valuable and worthwhile. They become self- accepting, genuine, and benevolent.
LEVEL2 Threes are attuned to what others value, and adapt themselves to become a person who would be more valuable. Self- image: " I am outstanding, capable, and well - adjusted ( unlimited potential)."
LEVEL3 Threes reinforce their self- image by developing themselves and their talents. They are competent, confident, and persistent, becoming exemplary in whatever they do. Effective communicators, they are often popular role models and inspirations for others.
LEVEL4 Threes begin to fear that they will be overshadowed by the accomplishments of others - that their efforts will not bring them the attention they desire. Thus they need to distinguish themselves from others by overachieving. They continually drive themselves to achieve more.
LEVEL5 Threes worry that they will lose the positive regard of others, so they wish to impress people. They strive to cultivate what they believe will be the most attractive image possible. Ambitious but self- doubting, they want to be admired and desired. They typically have intimacy problems.
More levels we discuss in a class.
Practice for personal grow
Understand that You are more than Your achievements. This is not all that makes you valuable and loved by others.
Fight only with yourself. Try to be better than you were yesterday. If you compare yourself with others, there will always be better, richer and more successful, but it will cause disharmony and jealousy in you.
Build real relationships with other people that include: frustrations, failures, and things you try to avoid. A happy relationship is not based solely on an ideal image and personal success. The true happiness of a relationship is the knowledge that others love and accept you for who you are, including your failures, your own negative qualities. Try to be fully open to at least a few people and show your true self.
Catch yourself behaving like a fictional personality instead of letting yourself to share what is true inside.
Take breaks and time to relax (indulging in creative activities, spending time with friends, gardening, etc.). It is important that your rest is not a mental activity. A slower pace can benefit thoughts.
Realize your fear of being useless or feeling a lack of inner value. Try to catch yourself when you subconsciously think it is “not good to have personal emotions and individuality”.
Find someone you can trust and tell them a little bit about your feelings. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Take time for creativity, personal creativity, without any validation or big goals. Through free creativity, you can come closer to your inner being.
Be honest with yourself. When taking part in any activity, ask yourself: am I doing it because I want to, or because of others?