So you think you are number two, in Enneagram also known as the Helper? Become familiar with this type using the description below:
The Helper's are very friendly, and in turn are good at forming friendships with others. The most important aspects of life for the Helper are; family, friendships, love, closeness, and sharing. They are especially good at giving attention to others and being generous and loving.
It is important for you:
to feel loved and needed
feel unloved and unneeded for who you are
The people who belong to this type are very empathetic, warm and have the capability to easily feel the needs of others and to satisfy them. With this incredible gift, they can intuitively feel what others need.
They can push their opinion, offering help and trying to make decisions for others. They take all of these actions in order to escape from their biggest fear - a fear of being unwanted/unneeded. They believe that they have to do something in order to win the love and acceptance of others.
During childhood, The Helper's learn that you must first meet the needs of others before you meet your own. That you have to give in order to receive. And that you have to fight for the love and attention of others because love is not something which is easily given.
This is how the self-worth of this type is born, through the idea that "if I give I am needed and loved".
To be constantly good in the eyes of others has its price, and often people of this type have to give up their habit of acting "for others" in order to create a truly positive connection to others. Over time this model of life creates a repressed feeling and inner anger, following the ignorance of personal needs. This can be a life journey for The Helper - to create harmonious relationships where both individuals' personal needs are met.
The Helper must find an inner love which does not depend on the judgment/evaluation of others. Love can be more than simply giving and receiving. When they find that inner love and care more for themselves, they become personalities who shine with love for others.
Sensitive to others needs
What others of your type say about themselves
I want others to like and accept me.
I love to take care of and help others.
For me, it is very important to have connection with others.
I can easily form a connection with anyone.
I am caring.
I love giving presents to others. Buying things I think others need.
I am proud of myself when I can help others.
Other people's needs are more important than my own.
It is hard for me to say what I like.
When I do things for myself I feel selfish.
I am empathic.
It is important for me to feel wanted.
I always know what others need.
I am positive, inspiring others to see a positive side of life.
It is hard for me to ask for help.
I always look for confirmation from others that I am good.
When you feel imbalanced
How to get along with you
Tell me that you value me.
Share with me happy moments of your life.
Care about my problems, even though I will stay focused on you.
Show me that I am special and important.
I am very sensitive to criticism, please be thoughtful when you give me feedback.
“In everything, I do in life, it’s important to me to have a lot of people around me. I want to help them, to make them happy. I noticed that when I wake up in the morning I always think about my family, my loved ones. My main thoughts are, “What can I do today to be useful?”, “What might they need from me today?” These thoughts particularly touched my children before they moved out of the home. Even now, I keep sharing with them where am I in case they need anything from me.”
- Anna, 52.
My life story
“Since childhood, I have felt that I need to take care of other people and they need me. In my family, I felt I had to take care of my mom and dad because they always lived in constant stress about their jobs. Of the six children in the family, I am the second oldest. I always felt that my younger sisters and brothers depend on me. I spent most of my childhood cooking, tidying the house, and washing clothes. I wanted to help my mom, who always seemed very busy. Only now do I realize that I took full responsibility because I just wanted to be wanted, to be important to my family.”
- Todd, 35.
“I am extremely happy. I love the world and everyone around me. Inside, it was so much easier for me to finally realize that I am loved even when I am not giving anything to anyone. I am loved simply because I exist. Love just is, it doesn’t need to be earned. And now when I give my love to someone I do not expect anything in return. I do things for myself. I know that no one has to act the way I want them to act. They have freedom to choose how to respond. It’s so good for me to just love others and, most importantly, myself. This is probably where my biggest journey began, when I began to focus on myself: what do I want? What makes me happy? ”
- Julia, 38 .
Questions to help understand yourself better
Is it hard for you to ask others for help?
Do you feel angry if you are not rewarded for the things you do for the others?
Do you think that other's needs are more important than your own?
Is it hard for you to speak up regarding your own personal needs and wants?
Do you often think that it is not good to have your own personal needs?
People like you: Paramahansa Yogananda, Pope John XXIII, Guru Ammaji (“The Hugging Saint”), Byron Katie, Bishop Desmond Tutu, Eleanor Roosevelt, Nancy Reagan, Monica Lewinsky, Ann Landers, Mary Kay Ash (Mary Kay Cosmetics), Leo Buscaglia, Richard Simmons, Luciano Pavarotti, John Denver, Lionel Richie, Stevie Wonder, Barry Manilow, Dolly Parton, Josh Groban, Music of Journey, Bobby McFerrin, Kenny G, Paula Abdul, Priscilla Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, Danny Thomas, Martin Sheen, Jennifer Tilly, Danny Glover, Richard Thomas “John Boy Walton,” Juliette Binoche, Arsenio Hall, Timothy Treadwell “Grizzly Man,” “Melanie Hamilton Wilkes” (Gone with the Wind), “Eve Harrington” (All About Eve), “Dr. McCoy” (Star Trek)
Still doubting your type?
Get in touch or take a test below:
Moving from Average to Unhealthy level
Levels of development
Moving Healthy to Average level
My state of being which show that I am moving to average levels: "Believing that I must go out to others to win them over."
"Wake - up call" (read more) going from healthy levels to average
Moving from Average to Unhealthy level
My thoughts which shows that I am moving to unhealthy levels: "I feel like I am driving my friends and loved ones away."
Red Flag (read more) moving to unhealthy levels
LEVEL 1 Twos let go of the belief that they are not allowed to care for themselves. Thus they can own their feelings and needs and are free to love others without expectations. They also achieve their Basic Desire, and liberated Twos experience unconditional love for self and others. They are joyous, gracious, and humble.
LEVEL2 Twos focus on the feelings of others with loving concern as a defense against their Basic Fear. Self - image: "I am loving, thoughtful, and selfless."
LEVEL3 Twos reinforce their self- image by doing good things for others. They are generous with their time and energy and are appreciative, encouraging, and supportive of others. They are also emotionally expressive and enjoy sharing their talents with others.
LEVEL4 Twos begin to fear that whatever they have been doing is not enough - others do not really want them around. They want to be closer to others and to be reassured that others like them. Twos try to cultivate friendships and win people over by pleasing, flattering, and supporting them.
LEVEL5 Twos worry that the people they love will love someone else more than them, so they want to be needed. They attempt to have a claim on people by putting the needs of others before their own. Proud, but needy, they do not want to let the others out of their sight.
More levels we discuss in a class.
Practice for personal grow
Accept your fear of being unloved, unnecessary for others.
Catch yourself when you start thinking that “it is not okay to have your own personal needs”.
Notice when you begin to ignore your values in order to become irreplaceable and necessary for others.
Take care of yourself in the same way as you do for other people.
Love yourself without the need to be needed. Love does not come from giving or receiving alone. Love lives in us.
We are all only responsible for ourselves.
Accept your feelings and personal needs.
You don't have to give anything to be loved.
Accept help, gifts, and anything others want to give you; a gift to another is an opportunity to give.
Feel your personal value regardless of other people's positive or negative evaluations.
Accept that for someone you may be unnecessary, but it does not indicate your personal value.
Feel when your service to others is too much and when your giving encourages inner power and you begin to control others.
Share with others if your needs have been ignored and you feel bad.
Understand that love exists even when you are not adapting to other people's needs.